I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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