I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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