Buhtt sex?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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