Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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