The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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