That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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