whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
operation have a gay friend backfired
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
