Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
