Having a random hookup so left but love u
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
