Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
