Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize