I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
