Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
my liver is dry heaving
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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