She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
