That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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