Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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