Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
