Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
