His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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