Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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