Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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