I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm both gender and math confused
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
