yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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