we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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