Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
