She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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