well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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