Pappa wants mamma naked
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
