call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
