theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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