I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
