the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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