her facebook's as public as her vagina
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
