i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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