Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
