OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
