Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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