it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
