he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
