he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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