Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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