he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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