shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
my liver is dry heaving
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
