roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
