When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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