He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
