I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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