apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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