pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
