Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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