so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
