We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
