just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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