ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
