I'm jealous of your bromance
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize