Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
