i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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