I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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