I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
