I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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