I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
