This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
