Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
