Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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