Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
