Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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