Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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