3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
