hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
