Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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