??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
