I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
