He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
