Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Enjoy the penises
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
